DUMBLEDORE: Hey Harry.
HARRY: What? Dumbledore? What are you doing? Where am I? I thought I was dead--I got shot by Voldemort.
DUMBLEDORE: Let’s just say you’re somewhere between our world and the next.
HARRY: What--did I survive--what?
DUMBLEDORE: Wouldn’t be the first time, Potter. Take a seat.
HARRY: All right.
DUMBLEDORE: Harry, have you ever heard of a--sit down--have you ever heard of a love shield?
HARRY: No, but it sounds kind of fruity.
DUMBLEDORE: A love shield is anything but fruity. When somebody loves you so much that they’re willing to give their life for you that love literally becomes a shield that surrounds your body to protect you from any kind of Dark Magic.
HARRY: So did this happen to me? I have a love shield?
DUMBLEDORE: Harry, it’s time for you to learn all the things you should have known seven years ago, which really would have helped you along the way. [HURRIEDLY] The love shield protected you the first time, uh, Voldemort accidentally turned you into the seventh Horcrux on the night the whole thing got started, exactly, and when Voldemort tried killing you this time he was actually unknowingly killing the piece of himself inside of you and uh, I’ve known the whole time.
HARRY: You knew this whole time, you bastard.
DUMBLEDORE: Hey--hey--they don’t call me the greatest wizard who ever lived for nothing. Harry, it is time for you to get your cute little butt back there and fight him as a mortal man. Except this time, he will be a mortal man, too.
HARRY: Dumbledore, I get what you’re saying. I know what I have to do.
DUMBLEDORE: Good boy, good boy.
HARRY: Hey, before I go--so you’re clairvoyant now, you can see the past, the present and the future all at the same time.
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, yeah.
HARRY: Can you tell me how Lost ends?
DUMBLEDORE: Harry, there are some questions that even I can’t answer.
HARRY: Thanks, man.
DUMBLEDORE: Hey, no problem. Get out of here. Third door on your left.
[ENTER RUMBLEROAR, ON HANDS AND KNEES]
RUMBLEROAR: Are you ready to go, Dumbledore?
DUMBLEDORE: Sure am, Rumbleroar.
RUMBLEROAR: And you’re sure you don’t want to let Harry Potter know that you’re really still alive?
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, no, he’d probably just be the closely guarded secret for thousands of years. It’d be a shame to let the cat out of the bag.
RUMBLEROAR: I suppose you’re right. Do you have your spacesuit, Dumbledore?
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, thank you for reminding me.
[WALKS AWAY FROM RUMBLEROAR, GETS SPACESUIT, AND SITS ON RUMBLEROAR'S BACK]
DUMBLEDORE: Ready to go, Rumby?
RUMBLEROAR: I sure am. To Pigfarts. RUUUUMBLEROAR!
[LIGHTING FADES]
VOLDEMORT: Uh hum. People of Hogwarts. It’s me. Harry Potter is dead. He was killed while running away, trying to save himself while you laid down your lives for him. The battle is won. My Death Eaters outnumber you. Continue to resist and be slaughtered. Come out of the castle, kneel before me, and you may be spared.
[VOLDEMORT BOWS AND EXITS]
RON: Aw, shit. Okay, um, you guys, you guys barricade the door. Um, Cho, you, you see if Neville’s dead. You guys--go get snacks. Oh, shit, you barricaded the door. Um, me, I won’t quit. Well, there’s only one thing we need to do. We’re gonna fight.
MALFOY: Oh, come on, I’m tired. Can’t we just be Death Eaters? [ROLLS OVER]
RON: No, no we can’t just be Death Eaters. We are gonna fight, okay? And we are gonna fight so hard that we are gonna win.
"Voldemort Is Goin' Down" Lyrics (by AJ Holmes):
RON:
He thinks that were finished
He thinks that were done
He thinks that its over
His battle is won--HA!
He thinks that its finished
but we aren’t through
stop and think my friend
what would Harry do for you
HERMIONE:
Harry never gave up the fight
Harry stood up for what is right
Well, now its our turn
RON & HERMIONE [HOLDING HANDS]:
our turn
make a joyful sound
Voldemort is going down
RON, GINNY & HERMIONE:
We must unite
so we can fight
turn the battle around
times running out
its time to shout
Voldemort is going down
HERMIONE [TO DRACO]:
Can't you feel a fire burning
now its time to be a man
a great big muscly super big super hot man
RON & DRACO:
AHAA
ALL:
We won't be pushed around anymore
we'll be a force you cannot ignore
we'll be an army for Dumbledore
For Dumbledore
[DUMBLEDORE DANCES ACROSS STAGE]
We must unite
so we can fight
turn the battle around
times running out
it’s time to shout
Voldemort is going down!
[ENTER HARRY, TO THE AMAZEMENT OF ALL. HIS ENTRANCE IS GREETED BY SCREAMS]
HARRY: Guys, I’m alive. Guys, I know how to defeat Voldemort okay?
ALL:
We must unite so
we can fight
turn the battle around
times running out
its time to shout
Voldemort is going down
We must unite
so we can fight
Voldemort is going down!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Act 2 Part 9
[ENTER VOLDEMORT]
[ALL SCREAM]
VOLDEMORT: Avada Kedavra! [NOTICES HARRY] What, Potter, how many times do I have to kill you?
HARRY: Clearly more than once. But it’s all over, Voldemort, because you can’t kill me this time. [TO WITCHES AND WIZARDS] Nobody help me! I gotta do this by myself.
VOLDEMORT: He doesn’t mean that. It’s not how he operates, is it boy? Who’re you gonna use as a human shield this time, Potter?
[RON WALKS AWAY FROM THE OTHERS.]
HERMIONE: Ron!
[HE REJOINS THEM.]
HARRY: Nobody! ‘Cuz this time it’s just you and me. ‘Cuz all the horcruxes are gone; I destroyed them all!
VOLDEMORT: What? Even my Zefron poster?
HARRY: Especially the Zefron poster.
VOLDEMORT: Nooooooo! Curse you, Potter, you’ll die for that!
HARRY: No, I won’t. Because you can’t kill me, and you can’t kill any of these people.
VOLDEMORT: What the fuck are you on about?
HARRY: You don’t learn from your mistakes, do you, Voldemort? I was prepared to die to save these people.
VOLDEMORT: But you didn’t.
HARRY: Yes, but I meant to. And that’s what did it. I’ve done what my mother did for me for these people. I’ve given them magical sanctuary so you can’t hurt me or these people ever again.
VOLDEMORT: So what? Who cares about these children? It’s you I want dead, Potter. What’s to stop you from dying when I strike?
HARRY: Just one thing. Think about all the people you’ve hurt Voldemort, all the lives you’ve destroyed, all the people you’ve killed. Maybe try a little slice of remorse pie. There’s got to be one person, one thing in your life you miss, that you regret.
VOLDEMORT: Well, maybe there’s one... No! There isn’t. The joke’s on you, Potter! I don’t care about anybody!
HARRY: I know. And that what makes you such a piece of shit. ‘Cuz here at Hogwarts, we all stick together. We love one another, we’re friends. My love’s protected these guys, their love’s all I need to protect me from you.
VOLDEMORT [LAUGHS]: Let’s put that theory to the test, Potter! Avada Kedavra!
HARRY: Expelliarmus!
[VOLDEMORT WRITHES AND FALLS TO THE GROUND]
CHO CHANG: Well, Chocolate Frogs, Harry Potter’s done it, y’all.
[THERE IS MUCH RUMPUS, VOLDEMORT’S BODY IS DRAGGED OFFSTAGE AND RON DANCES WITH HIS “SWORD”]
[HARRY AND GINNY FALL TO THE GROUND MAKING OUT.]
RON: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, listen, hey. I just wanna let you guys know, um, that I’m totally cool with it. [TO HERMIONE] Make out with me. C’mon, make out with me. [HERMIONE LEANS IN TOWARDS HIM WITH HER TONGUE STICKING OUT, HE PUSHES HER AWAY]
HERMIONE: Guys, I guess that about ties up all the loose ends.
RON: Yeah, everything’s cool.
HERMIONE: Oh, except the House Cup Tournament.
NEVILLE: Guys, guys, look at this! I found Dumbledore’s will. It says, “in the event of my death, Gryffindor wins the House Cup”! It also says that Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter, my chocolate factory goes to Charlie and Toontown goes to the toons.
[ALL CHEER]
HARRY: Hey, guys, well, I guess all the professors are dead, so butterbeer’s on me.
[ALL CHEER AND EXIT, RON EXITING STILL DANCING WITH HIS SWORD]
[ENTER DEMENTOR AND QUIRRELL]
DEMENTOR: Free to go.
QUIRRELL: Thank you.
DEMENTOR: You know, while I was devouring every single one of your happy thoughts, they all seemed to be about a certain friend of yours. Care to talk?
QUIRRELL: No, no, that’s behind me now.
DEMENTOR: Sorry. Well, did you hear the news? Voldemort is dead. Yeah. Good luck getting off this impenetrable island.
QUIRRELL: Dead?!!! [HITS THE GROUND AND FALLS TO THE GROUND WEEPING]
[ENTER VOLDEMORT WRAPPED IN A WHITE CLOAK, WITH THE HOOD UP]
[PULLS BACK HOOD TO REVEAL FACE]
VOLDEMORT: Hey, you.
QUIRRELL [SITTING UP]: Voldemort, is it really you?
VOLDEMORT: What’s left of me.
QUIRRELL: But I just heard that you were--
VOLDEMORT: Destroyed. Yeah.
[QUIRRELL SIGHS]
VOLDEMORT: There’s part of me that’s still here and I can’t go on to the next plane without it. It’s part of me that can’t be destroyed because it’s right in [CROSSES STAGE] here [TAPS QUIRRELL’S HEART].
QUIRRELL: In my heart? So you came back?
VOLDEMORT: I came home.
QUIRRELL [BITING THUMB AND TURNING AWAY]: And you don’t want to kill Harry Potter anymore?
VOLDEMORT: No. No. Because I learned something when I had my body back, Quirrell, I learned that life is really messy, complicated and it doesn’t turn out the way that you think it will and that you think killing people might make them like you but it doesn’t. It just makes people dead. [HYSTERICALLY] I got killed by a 2-year-old and it’s really embarrassing and people’re like “when’re you gonna come back Voldemort, when’re you gonna take over the world’ and it’s on me, it’s all on me! I’m sitting there by myself because nobody wants to help and I say to myself, “Maybe with Quirrell things would be okay.”
QUIRRELL: Is okay good?
VOLDEMORT: Quirrell, okay is wonderful!
[THEY RUN TOWARD EACH OTHER IN SLOW MOTION.]
[ENTER CAST]
Song: Not Alone/Goin’ Back to Hogwarts
ALL:
Baby you’re not alone
cause you’re here with me
and nothings ever gonna bring us down
cause nothing can keep me from lovin’ you
and you know its true
it don’t matter what’ll come to be
our love is all we need to make it through
ALL:
back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts
to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts
it's all that I love, and all that I need.
at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS,
Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends
To Gryffindors!
Hufflepuffs!
Ravenclaws!
Slytherins!
Back to the place where our story begins
It’s Hogwarts, Howarts,
DUMBLEDORE:
I’m sorry, what’s its name?
ALL:
Hogwarts, Hogwarts
DUMBLEDORE:
I didn’t hear you kids!
ALL:
Hogwarts, Hogwarts
HARRY:
Man, I'm glad I went back!
[ALL SCREAM]
VOLDEMORT: Avada Kedavra! [NOTICES HARRY] What, Potter, how many times do I have to kill you?
HARRY: Clearly more than once. But it’s all over, Voldemort, because you can’t kill me this time. [TO WITCHES AND WIZARDS] Nobody help me! I gotta do this by myself.
VOLDEMORT: He doesn’t mean that. It’s not how he operates, is it boy? Who’re you gonna use as a human shield this time, Potter?
[RON WALKS AWAY FROM THE OTHERS.]
HERMIONE: Ron!
[HE REJOINS THEM.]
HARRY: Nobody! ‘Cuz this time it’s just you and me. ‘Cuz all the horcruxes are gone; I destroyed them all!
VOLDEMORT: What? Even my Zefron poster?
HARRY: Especially the Zefron poster.
VOLDEMORT: Nooooooo! Curse you, Potter, you’ll die for that!
HARRY: No, I won’t. Because you can’t kill me, and you can’t kill any of these people.
VOLDEMORT: What the fuck are you on about?
HARRY: You don’t learn from your mistakes, do you, Voldemort? I was prepared to die to save these people.
VOLDEMORT: But you didn’t.
HARRY: Yes, but I meant to. And that’s what did it. I’ve done what my mother did for me for these people. I’ve given them magical sanctuary so you can’t hurt me or these people ever again.
VOLDEMORT: So what? Who cares about these children? It’s you I want dead, Potter. What’s to stop you from dying when I strike?
HARRY: Just one thing. Think about all the people you’ve hurt Voldemort, all the lives you’ve destroyed, all the people you’ve killed. Maybe try a little slice of remorse pie. There’s got to be one person, one thing in your life you miss, that you regret.
VOLDEMORT: Well, maybe there’s one... No! There isn’t. The joke’s on you, Potter! I don’t care about anybody!
HARRY: I know. And that what makes you such a piece of shit. ‘Cuz here at Hogwarts, we all stick together. We love one another, we’re friends. My love’s protected these guys, their love’s all I need to protect me from you.
VOLDEMORT [LAUGHS]: Let’s put that theory to the test, Potter! Avada Kedavra!
HARRY: Expelliarmus!
[VOLDEMORT WRITHES AND FALLS TO THE GROUND]
CHO CHANG: Well, Chocolate Frogs, Harry Potter’s done it, y’all.
[THERE IS MUCH RUMPUS, VOLDEMORT’S BODY IS DRAGGED OFFSTAGE AND RON DANCES WITH HIS “SWORD”]
[HARRY AND GINNY FALL TO THE GROUND MAKING OUT.]
RON: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, listen, hey. I just wanna let you guys know, um, that I’m totally cool with it. [TO HERMIONE] Make out with me. C’mon, make out with me. [HERMIONE LEANS IN TOWARDS HIM WITH HER TONGUE STICKING OUT, HE PUSHES HER AWAY]
HERMIONE: Guys, I guess that about ties up all the loose ends.
RON: Yeah, everything’s cool.
HERMIONE: Oh, except the House Cup Tournament.
NEVILLE: Guys, guys, look at this! I found Dumbledore’s will. It says, “in the event of my death, Gryffindor wins the House Cup”! It also says that Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter, my chocolate factory goes to Charlie and Toontown goes to the toons.
[ALL CHEER]
HARRY: Hey, guys, well, I guess all the professors are dead, so butterbeer’s on me.
[ALL CHEER AND EXIT, RON EXITING STILL DANCING WITH HIS SWORD]
[ENTER DEMENTOR AND QUIRRELL]
DEMENTOR: Free to go.
QUIRRELL: Thank you.
DEMENTOR: You know, while I was devouring every single one of your happy thoughts, they all seemed to be about a certain friend of yours. Care to talk?
QUIRRELL: No, no, that’s behind me now.
DEMENTOR: Sorry. Well, did you hear the news? Voldemort is dead. Yeah. Good luck getting off this impenetrable island.
QUIRRELL: Dead?!!! [HITS THE GROUND AND FALLS TO THE GROUND WEEPING]
[ENTER VOLDEMORT WRAPPED IN A WHITE CLOAK, WITH THE HOOD UP]
[PULLS BACK HOOD TO REVEAL FACE]
VOLDEMORT: Hey, you.
QUIRRELL [SITTING UP]: Voldemort, is it really you?
VOLDEMORT: What’s left of me.
QUIRRELL: But I just heard that you were--
VOLDEMORT: Destroyed. Yeah.
[QUIRRELL SIGHS]
VOLDEMORT: There’s part of me that’s still here and I can’t go on to the next plane without it. It’s part of me that can’t be destroyed because it’s right in [CROSSES STAGE] here [TAPS QUIRRELL’S HEART].
QUIRRELL: In my heart? So you came back?
VOLDEMORT: I came home.
QUIRRELL [BITING THUMB AND TURNING AWAY]: And you don’t want to kill Harry Potter anymore?
VOLDEMORT: No. No. Because I learned something when I had my body back, Quirrell, I learned that life is really messy, complicated and it doesn’t turn out the way that you think it will and that you think killing people might make them like you but it doesn’t. It just makes people dead. [HYSTERICALLY] I got killed by a 2-year-old and it’s really embarrassing and people’re like “when’re you gonna come back Voldemort, when’re you gonna take over the world’ and it’s on me, it’s all on me! I’m sitting there by myself because nobody wants to help and I say to myself, “Maybe with Quirrell things would be okay.”
QUIRRELL: Is okay good?
VOLDEMORT: Quirrell, okay is wonderful!
[THEY RUN TOWARD EACH OTHER IN SLOW MOTION.]
[ENTER CAST]
Song: Not Alone/Goin’ Back to Hogwarts
ALL:
Baby you’re not alone
cause you’re here with me
and nothings ever gonna bring us down
cause nothing can keep me from lovin’ you
and you know its true
it don’t matter what’ll come to be
our love is all we need to make it through
ALL:
back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts
to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts
it's all that I love, and all that I need.
at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS,
Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends
To Gryffindors!
Hufflepuffs!
Ravenclaws!
Slytherins!
Back to the place where our story begins
It’s Hogwarts, Howarts,
DUMBLEDORE:
I’m sorry, what’s its name?
ALL:
Hogwarts, Hogwarts
DUMBLEDORE:
I didn’t hear you kids!
ALL:
Hogwarts, Hogwarts
HARRY:
Man, I'm glad I went back!
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