Act 2 Part 9

[ENTER VOLDEMORT]

[ALL SCREAM]

VOLDEMORT: Avada Kedavra! [NOTICES HARRY] What, Potter, how many times do I have to kill you?

HARRY: Clearly more than once. But it’s all over, Voldemort, because you can’t kill me this time. [TO WITCHES AND WIZARDS] Nobody help me! I gotta do this by myself.

VOLDEMORT: He doesn’t mean that. It’s not how he operates, is it boy? Who’re you gonna use as a human shield this time, Potter?

[RON WALKS AWAY FROM THE OTHERS.]

HERMIONE: Ron!

[HE REJOINS THEM.]

HARRY: Nobody! ‘Cuz this time it’s just you and me. ‘Cuz all the horcruxes are gone; I destroyed them all!

VOLDEMORT: What? Even my Zefron poster?

HARRY: Especially the Zefron poster.

VOLDEMORT: Nooooooo! Curse you, Potter, you’ll die for that!

HARRY: No, I won’t. Because you can’t kill me, and you can’t kill any of these people.

VOLDEMORT: What the fuck are you on about?

HARRY: You don’t learn from your mistakes, do you, Voldemort? I was prepared to die to save these people.

VOLDEMORT: But you didn’t.

HARRY: Yes, but I meant to. And that’s what did it. I’ve done what my mother did for me for these people. I’ve given them magical sanctuary so you can’t hurt me or these people ever again.

VOLDEMORT: So what? Who cares about these children? It’s you I want dead, Potter. What’s to stop you from dying when I strike?

HARRY: Just one thing. Think about all the people you’ve hurt Voldemort, all the lives you’ve destroyed, all the people you’ve killed. Maybe try a little slice of remorse pie. There’s got to be one person, one thing in your life you miss, that you regret.

VOLDEMORT: Well, maybe there’s one... No! There isn’t. The joke’s on you, Potter! I don’t care about anybody!

HARRY: I know. And that what makes you such a piece of shit. ‘Cuz here at Hogwarts, we all stick together. We love one another, we’re friends. My love’s protected these guys, their love’s all I need to protect me from you.

VOLDEMORT [LAUGHS]: Let’s put that theory to the test, Potter! Avada Kedavra!

HARRY: Expelliarmus!

[VOLDEMORT WRITHES AND FALLS TO THE GROUND]

CHO CHANG: Well, Chocolate Frogs, Harry Potter’s done it, y’all.

[THERE IS MUCH RUMPUS, VOLDEMORT’S BODY IS DRAGGED OFFSTAGE AND RON DANCES WITH HIS “SWORD”]

[HARRY AND GINNY FALL TO THE GROUND MAKING OUT.]

RON: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, listen, hey. I just wanna let you guys know, um, that I’m totally cool with it. [TO HERMIONE] Make out with me. C’mon, make out with me. [HERMIONE LEANS IN TOWARDS HIM WITH HER TONGUE STICKING OUT, HE PUSHES HER AWAY]

HERMIONE: Guys, I guess that about ties up all the loose ends.

RON: Yeah, everything’s cool.

HERMIONE: Oh, except the House Cup Tournament.

NEVILLE: Guys, guys, look at this! I found Dumbledore’s will. It says, “in the event of my death, Gryffindor wins the House Cup”! It also says that Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter, my chocolate factory goes to Charlie and Toontown goes to the toons.

[ALL CHEER]

HARRY: Hey, guys, well, I guess all the professors are dead, so butterbeer’s on me.

[ALL CHEER AND EXIT, RON EXITING STILL DANCING WITH HIS SWORD]

[ENTER DEMENTOR AND QUIRRELL]
DEMENTOR: Free to go.

QUIRRELL: Thank you.

DEMENTOR: You know, while I was devouring every single one of your happy thoughts, they all seemed to be about a certain friend of yours. Care to talk?

QUIRRELL: No, no, that’s behind me now.

DEMENTOR: Sorry. Well, did you hear the news? Voldemort is dead. Yeah. Good luck getting off this impenetrable island.

QUIRRELL: Dead?!!! [HITS THE GROUND AND FALLS TO THE GROUND WEEPING]

[ENTER VOLDEMORT WRAPPED IN A WHITE CLOAK, WITH THE HOOD UP]

[PULLS BACK HOOD TO REVEAL FACE]

VOLDEMORT: Hey, you.

QUIRRELL [SITTING UP]: Voldemort, is it really you?

VOLDEMORT: What’s left of me.

QUIRRELL: But I just heard that you were--

VOLDEMORT: Destroyed. Yeah.

[QUIRRELL SIGHS]

VOLDEMORT: There’s part of me that’s still here and I can’t go on to the next plane without it. It’s part of me that can’t be destroyed because it’s right in [CROSSES STAGE] here [TAPS QUIRRELL’S HEART].

QUIRRELL: In my heart? So you came back?

VOLDEMORT: I came home.

QUIRRELL [BITING THUMB AND TURNING AWAY]: And you don’t want to kill Harry Potter anymore?

VOLDEMORT: No. No. Because I learned something when I had my body back, Quirrell, I learned that life is really messy, complicated and it doesn’t turn out the way that you think it will and that you think killing people might make them like you but it doesn’t. It just makes people dead. [HYSTERICALLY] I got killed by a 2-year-old and it’s really embarrassing and people’re like “when’re you gonna come back Voldemort, when’re you gonna take over the world’ and it’s on me, it’s all on me! I’m sitting there by myself because nobody wants to help and I say to myself, “Maybe with Quirrell things would be okay.”

QUIRRELL: Is okay good?

VOLDEMORT: Quirrell, okay is wonderful!

[THEY RUN TOWARD EACH OTHER IN SLOW MOTION.]

[ENTER CAST]

Song: Not Alone/Goin’ Back to Hogwarts
ALL:
Baby you’re not alone
cause you’re here with me
and nothings ever gonna bring us down
cause nothing can keep me from lovin’ you
and you know its true
it don’t matter what’ll come to be
our love is all we need to make it through

ALL:
back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts
to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts
it's all that I love, and all that I need.
at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS,
Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends
To Gryffindors!
Hufflepuffs!
Ravenclaws!
Slytherins!
Back to the place where our story begins
It’s Hogwarts, Howarts,

DUMBLEDORE:
I’m sorry, what’s its name?

ALL:
Hogwarts, Hogwarts

DUMBLEDORE:
I didn’t hear you kids!

ALL:
Hogwarts, Hogwarts

HARRY:
Man, I'm glad I went back!